E>C> Issue #12

Top Ten Best Dads. Those science fat cats like to define a dad as the male who contributes his sperm and DNA to the female egg to create a child. While I have no problem with this definition, it misses what is truly important about being a Dad. With that being said I will now list the Top Ten Best Dads to help you get a better understanding of what being a good dad is all about.

10) Genghis Khan – Genghis Khan was rumored to have thousands of children. By having so many children he greatly increased his chances of being a good father to at least some of them at some point. It is in this way that many people complain that Genghis Khan cheated and should not be in this list, well get over it. Sure he abused a technicality, but until we change the rules he has to stay in the list.

9) Lady Gaga – With sexual harassment and the glass ceiling being talked about a lot now adays I felt obligated to include at least one woman in this list of best dads. There is no real reason that Lady Gaga deserves a spot on the list and this is done solely out of white guilt. If you feminists are not satisfied with this one entry then I recommend that you just die in a fire.

8) Your Dad – You should take time out of your unemployed pointless day and remember your own father. Without that miserable sack of dirt you would not yourself be alive. Yeah thanks a lot dad. You should sit in your good thinking chair and remember all the times your father said he would help you build that bird feeder and all the times that did not happen. Despite how awful a father he was, you should still make the effort to find his alcoholic body from time to time and tell him that you sort of love him.

7) Generic Spider -  In order for a male spider to become a father he has to mate with a female spider. That is enough to make him a great dad. Anyone who would have the guts to mate with a spider is definitely someone I would want as a father. But it doesn’t stop there, not only does the male spider mate with a female spider, afterwards the male spider gets killed and eaten by the female. This dad makes the ultimate sacrifice for his kids and he does so without ever actually meeting his kids. That way the kids are never burdened by actually having a father but still get to tell the other kids that their dad died for them.

6) Robocop – Before Robocop got brutally disfigured he was originally a father. That means some where out there there is a kid who has Robocop for a father. Do I really need to say any thing more than that? NO I DON’T. It would make me feel good knowing that out there somewhere is a robot police officer father doing his duty to keep the streets safe for his kid.

5) George Lucas -  Many of you out there probably look at George Lucas as some sort of father figure because of his stupid loud obnoxious space movies. The real reason that George Lucas is a top tier dad is because he is the man who spearheaded and created Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar is the most significant creation in the last 50 years. He single handedly created a whole generation united in its hatred of god damn Jar Jar Binks. This kind of unification is good because it allows multiple dads to come together and become something greater than the sum of their parts. Thinking about all those dads, all that power makes me shiver a little bit, but not enough to put down my MONSTER ENERGY DRINK.

4) Bill Clinton – This Dad was at one point the president of the United States. Being a President doesn’t necessarily make you a good dad, but it surely doesn’t hurt . Well some of you may be asking why choose this guy over Barrack Obama. Barrack Obama is just a buzzword and its use will die down soon enough. Bill Clinton on the other hand will be remembered through out the ages as that scumbag dude ensuring that this list never stops being relevant.

3) My Dad – My Dad could definitely beat up your dad. My Dad is the coolest. He is super strong and can destroy trees with just a single punch. He was born a super long time ago and knows everything there is to know about ants. He also works for the government and is always coming home with that sweet stimulus money. Because he works for the government he gets all the movies like transformers 3 and the faster, the furiousness way earlier. One time my dad beat up a congressman.

2) Holy Ghost / Ghost Dad – This one is a tie because in both cases the father is a ghost. Having a Ghost as a dad is very useful. Say there is a football stuck in a tree, your ghost dad can just float up and try to dislodge it for you. Or you can use him to help you cheat on math tests or make your neighbor’s life a living hell (This is probably the most important part) . I guess a Ghost dad can never give you a hug but we aren’t a bunch of homosexuals so we don’t need that. The Holy Ghost has the added benefit of also being some sort of parrot. How cool is that, having a dad who is also a bird? Pretty cool. You could keep him in a cage and try to teach him words like uboat or gorilla. Yeah that sounds like my kind of dad.

1) Tiger Woods – Tiger Woods is always number 1 and you better believe it. But being the greatest athlete of all time by playing a sport which barely qualifies one as an athlete is not why tiger woods is the number one dad. He is number one because he is a loving and supporting father. More importantly though his name is Tiger. This allows him to automatically win the my dad is better than you dad contest. Some kid on the playground would start to claim that his dad is super cool and can destroy trees with a single punch and all tiger wood’s kids would have to ask is what is your dad’s name. The response of John or James or Jesus would not stand up to the glory which is Tiger. Tigers are also an endangered animal, think of badass that is. My dad is an endangered beast, one of the only beasts to actively hunt and murder innocent civilians. If violent blood shed does not make you a good father than I don’t know what will.

DONE.
http://www.scarfacebros.oktonauts.com/croc/season2/pics/dad.html

Top 10 Albums of 2009
<hichrisgeorges@gmail.com>

This is a mix of the top ten tracks off of my 2009 top ten releases. I havent finished ripping each album, so this is just a taste, next week I will post all albums in fullThis session, recorded at Levon Helm’s house, saw the light of day this year. Raga/flamenco/drone explorations. A really relaxing listen.

If Eminem died I would be REALLY sad.was asked to leave the Arby’s dining room. Again.”I’m having nightmares, homicidal fantasies, I wake up stranglin, danglin my bed sheets.” – Tupac

leans his way through revolving doors.

wiped the fog off the bathroom mirror and looked deep into his own eyes.

remembers the time he and Sean tried to use cherry cola as bong water. I coughlaugh when I think about it.

was about to sip his drink when the newscaster started talking about the economy and he spit it everywhere.

sits, looking out the window, hands folded at his lap, a tear going down his cheek.

Top 10 Twat-Faces of the Decade